Stalker Levels, Defined

Here’s a quick rundown with some info you’ll need over time as you read my blog.

Stalkers are something I’ve learned a lot about over the years., thus creating a foundation for several years of experimental (and subsequently successful) Stalker Dodging. To put it bluntly, I could write a book, teach a class, launch a Fashion for Fleeing clothing line, and head up a religion based on the art of effectively dodging a stalker.

That said, here is how I classify stalkers. You’ll need this info as time goes on.

Similar to sex offenders, my classifications are based on several factors that will be discussed openly at a later date. For now, here’s the overview.

1.Level One: Not a general public safety risk, but a definite stalker. May just be overexcited about you and not conscious of behaviors, or quickly catches and self-corrects their behavior. May be young or just has left a shitty relationship. You haven’t considered the Five Finger Punch of Death for them yet, but definitely wouldn’t meet in a dark alley at night either.

2.Level Two: Potentially a creepy stalker weirdo. Definitely has blurred lines of space, distance, and couth. Is all in your shit and annoys you, possibly texts/calls/drops in/shows up far more than they should. May refer to you as their boyfriend/girlfriend before you’ve even had a discussion on the matter (or when there’s not a fucking chance in hell of it actually happening).

3.Level Three: Most likely to re-offend. A bona fide fucking creepy stalker weirdo. Possibly could make a human skin suit in a basement and definitely has saved something personal of yours (used kleenex, garbage that’s actually a “souvenir”, etc). Stay the fuck away, keep your distance, Currently may be saying “I’d fuck me” into a mirror. PS, they’ve very likely masturbated to you. Ok, sorry, that was just mean.

I try to categorize all stalkers with these levels, mostly because it helps you narrow down to the smallest list of most likely to be effective Stalker Dodgin Moves.


One thought on “Stalker Levels, Defined

  1. So can you explain what a stalker friend is..Because i have this friend and she seems to be nice, but i feel odd when i am around her at times. Its hard to explain but the bitch seems crazy! Have you ever seen the hand that rocks the craddle? Well if you have, You know the part where the chick emptys out all the inhalers and trys to kill the mom in the green house- Well this is what i think this friend of mine is like. And if you havent watched the movie, I greatly suggest it. Please help define to define a stalker friend, I dont want to walk in my room one day and have this bitch waiting to kill me lol!! Thanks

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