Stalker Dodging Glossary

This is more of a vocab lesson. The more I blog, the more you’re going to need to understand WTF I’m trying to say via my vocabulary.

Here is the basics of my terminology in regards to relationships (mine or anyones):

Contender: Someone being considered to date.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: The person you date exclusively and are committed to.

Sucker: The person you date non-exclusively although they believe you are committed to. I don’t endorse this concept, but it’s real, so it may be discussed.

Date: See in a romantic but casual fashion once or several times.

Fuck: Not dating, just fucking. You’d think this one would be obvious, but some people get confused.

MindFuck: The games people play with each other when dating. Not all people, but most.

On the Chopping Block: Someone about to be dumped/not dated anymore.

On Time Out: Being temporarily ignored, not dated, and potentially about to be on the chopping block.

On the Bench: (see On Time Out)

On Deck: About to be drafted into the dating pool.

In The Bullpen: (See On Deck)

Mark: The person currently being stalked. I use this term most often when referring to the poor dudes a gold-digger is scoping out.

Hired: Someone who you’ve just begun dating.

Stalker: Someone who follows your moves, overtly tries to insert themselves into your life, and doesn’t take the hint that you’re not feeling them. (Level 1, 2, and 3…see prior blog, Stalker Dodging Essentials)

Stalker Dodging: The art of strategically and successfully avoiding contact of any kind with your stalker.

The Houdini: The act of executing the perfect escape. May or may not involve the actual conversation stating that you are no longer dating/seeing/fucking/in a relationship with the other person. Simply put, escaping in a way that completely stuns/intrigues/confuses the other person. Example: I couldn’t dump him, so I pulled a Houdini.

The Heisman: An awesome move (that I’m particularly good at) where you figuratively clutch your heart in your left hand, and put our right arm out at love and/or relationships and say “No fuckin way you’re intercepting THIS”. Also known as, implementing commitment phobia by avoiding a relationship.

Franchise Player: The best person in the pool of applicants. (What’s an applicant? See “Contender”)

Fired: No longer dating, no longer talking to, not eligible for rehire.

Dead To Me: Pretty sure this one is self-explanatory.

The Ex-Files: Anyone’s relationship history in general. Everyone has a story. Or fifty of them.

Fish Out of Water: Anyone trying to date outside their league (lesser or greater).

Pinch Hitter: The member of the opposite sex who always comes through in the clutch. Typically a best/good friend, and the one who keeps you in check regarding outlandish ideas about dating. They also are your go-to person in regards to questions about currents.

Sam: If you’ve listened to MC Lyte, skip this one. It’s that Sam. If you’ve not listened to MC Lyte, check out “Paper Thin” when you’re done with this blog. But Sam is the guy who crushed Lyte’s heart. A championship fuckboy waste of time. So if I call a guy a Sam, he’s surely dead to me.

I’m leaving out randoms, main, downline, and other ones generally used in conversation. But that should just about cover it for now.

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